He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
foreskin is a definite game changer
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
