Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
