so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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