Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
