I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
