then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
