either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
