She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Randomize
