Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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