3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
