i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I will pee on everything he values.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
