Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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