Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize