are you still at the devil's house?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
