I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
She told me I should be a condom model.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
