Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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