The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize