my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
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