It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
