I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
