he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
