the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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