if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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