You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
