Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Houston, we have a squirter
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
