the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?