I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
