The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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