Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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