if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
