She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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