wakey wakey hands off snakey
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
