Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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