nut hugger
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
