Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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