so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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