Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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