I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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