Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
