My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
