i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
