Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
