is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
