I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
