this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
