my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
