You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
