True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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