She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
