The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
