So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
