I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
