I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
