Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
