my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
