so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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