I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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