her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Sponge bath it is.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Floor bacon is actually really good
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
