And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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