Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
