Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
