My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
barbara walters just said penis...
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
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