yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
