You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
