Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize