The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
