i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
