i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
