Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
