You're so nebulous sometimes
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
