at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
