There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
