I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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